yes but no ... er, i dunno !

我知道的... 不知从几何时, 我的笑是变得自私了, 脸变难看了(从没美过). 原来, 原来... 这才是原因. 我原来以为我的心情一直表达在我脸上, 可是不是. (我是个'表里不一'的人吧). 我真的只是想平平静静的做一个不起眼的人. 其实, 我不希望人注意我又希望他们注意. 我是个很恐怖的人. 一直以为几个好朋友就够了, 可是原来我很在意的... ...
羡慕那些可以跟所有人打成一片的人. 可是可能我是只适合活在别人看不到我的脸的世界-黑暗. 怪不得, 讨厌. 我是不是在这17年里没学会做人的道理.
无知!
从几何时, 我变成这样的不容易接近, 怕... 只是另一种讲法... 我根本CANNT FIT IN. 应该吧, 我可能投错胎吧, 人的世界---我得努力
我喜欢甜蜜蜜的故事, 他们都看不出的, 因为我是恐怖的. 我到底是谁我自己都不了解.
我庆幸我有好朋友, 不管是中学的, 理公的, 还是做工的...dey accept me 4 hu i am .
I sincerely thank all of you out dere !
b'cos u all care, i gt 2 enjoy my life ... :)
i noe dis is stupid bt i nided sumwhere to write , i was quite shocked abt e truth bt i realised it was true e very next moment. i tink too much, friends tell me tt.... bt i feel tt i'm reali nobody, nt talented, nt good-looking, nt understanding & all. i tink b'cos i worry ma ? in short , i tink i sumwan wif a problem.
wad dey tink
wad i tink
does it reali matters...

2dae ar... hav chilli crab n black pepper roasted chicken 4 dinner, dunno y 2dae my bro so generous oso. bt make me feel tt can earn $$$$ very good lor . i oso find out i dun quite like crab bah(nt so sure) cos like nth special bah .... mayb....
i muz rmb tt b4 i can earn money, i muz noe how 2 save money! n summore, in order nt 2 waste time n money, i muz graduated n work hard 2 finish e whole 3 years!!!!!!
buyin mp3 is my wish nw bt nw everythin e price is gg up ... mayb i will settle 4 e ZEN ROCK PLUS 1GB/2GB costin $69(until 22july)/$99(on 18july only). eh, den abt e mill bit i broke, i will take frm my allowance bah( try 2 eat less!)--- i tink ard $30
den i oso tellin my mother 2 buy 4 me shoes( e wans i like ... it's gona drag 2), as 4 e bed frame n spring matress, soon bah... up 2 them bah.... cos i muz save save save*****
in anyway, doin my project n savin $$$ is equally impt .... i cannt afford 2 slack!!!!!!
and hor, i saw an article on makin a o-bento, so cute lor, nxt time i will buck up on my cookin skills!!! and i tinkin can i take up a physcology course on children wan...i dunno 4 sure, bt i seems interestin :)
SO 4 RITE NW >>>>i will do my needle threader nicely!!!!

actuali ... i dunno y i feel like writin 2dae ...???? 2dae is a fine day,(haha) ...

u noe wad ... i reali wish tt dere's sumone out dere protectin me secretly (e results of readin 2 much novel...) so i will juz imagine it*mayb mayb... dere is bah!^^*

mock-ups sucky !!! can't even complete my mock-up properly, oh ya: i can plan for wd i can do tmr ...

1. draw materials

2. find materials 4 mechanisms & others

3.complete mock-up( BT i reali wan 2 complete 2dae... highly impossible!!!)

4.confirm all e measurements

& MORE MORE MORE !!!! heheheh

gt one qns... wad if u fall 4 ur cousin hu is on ur mother side ? (paiseh... quite random^^)

oh ya... tt time i took a test or 2 ....

IQ:127... clever / stupid ????

hotness rank: 55% .... 29% hotter den others hu take e test ( am i suppose 2 b happy ???)**** well ... at least i pass( i shld b happy rite??)

i tink i did sumting bad 2dae(25 june), cos i like add salt on sumbody's wound... very bad hor, bt tokin abt salt on wound... it helps it 2 recover faster rite? bt humans r nt wounds hor. i dunno if i've hurt e person badly---
anywae, 2dae hor wan ting told me tt her bro sae i hav a lot ex lor , den judith confirm gt stead lor, after her bro c our pic. u noe... judith hav stead highly or even 100% possible lar, she's so super cute lor. den hor, i tink i 4gt 2 ask wad her bro said abt sharifah lar... later muz ask her! bt how can he sae i gt a lot of stead , although i noe i very e se lar, bt my 'se'ness is inside wan, nt so obvious wan lor. n hor , c my face, ... n everything else hor, unless i thick skin go "delcare love" hor, no boy will cum 2 me wan lar.
so hor, i tink her bro abit out although on judith can b highly correct... i oso noe tt her bro can b like 'irritatin' her by saein she surely no bf wan lar. bt i still can't accept dis fact! hahahaha...
bt i quite glad sumhw cos i suddenly recall she saein sum sweet things her bro did 4 her ...
my bro oso will do sweet things lar, bt on e surface, nt sweet at all lor... bt ... aiya... i dunno lar.
i didn't noe readin online novel can gt my addicted so much, i juz kept on readin, wantin 2 noe wad will happen nxt, e story can b reali stupid, sad n all bt it alwaes let me c tings tt dun cum clear 2 me in reality...
--- i reali do imagine 2 much bah--- good thing i dun alwaes sae out ( later embarrassed myself ... hehe)

y do i still wish 4 a shoulder to b beside me at dis time??? dis time when i super duper duper need 2 pay attention 2 my p1 ... i nid 2 make mock-ups n draw nicely done A2 sketches which i barely completed half !!! bt a shoulder wld b good ... if it's my next target's wan lar( haha... shld i laugh?!) i haven even found my nxt target lor... bt i reali wan my heart 2 b like a book sumtimes. cos ar, if my heart is a book, all e right ans can b found easily den i wun wonder which is e real me. den hor ... i wun b so desperate ( is dis e rite word?)
i reali tink tt , i juz tt i reali wan a bai ma wang zi or even hei ma wang zi oso can ... as long as e feelin is true ...???
wld i reali dun mind if he's nt especially handsum or good-looking??? hu noes.... a person hu truely accepts my everyting ( does dis kind of person exists ? or dey only exist in virtual )
i wan 2 do my p1 nicely bt my mind doesn't wan me 2 ???
given a choice:
A) a guy hu is especially handsum, bt doesn't treats u like a girl, yet u r 'heels over head' wif him
B) a guy hu is normal lookin, treats u especially well n pamper u like princess, loves u, bt u dun hav e feelin towards him
drama n books alwaes hav dis kind of situations, dun dey, haha...
wad happens is e girl tries 2 accept tt B guy bt in e end found out tt she still cannt 4gt tt A guy, den e A guy falls 4 her .
obviously i dun understand a tiny winy bit of wad is love, 'lovin one person means lettin e person happy even if he's happy when u r nt e one hu let him happy?' it doesn't make senses, even if it does, y so? i hav nt met such a noble person b4, so nt only do i wish tt i will mit my wang zi, i oso wish i can c a 'triangle love' story in real life in which e guy gives up 4 e happiness of e girl... ya, i wan 2 mit tt guy, n ask him how does it feels, is he reali happy, will he 4gt her ? (indeed, i will ask him lots of qns tt might remind him of her bt it's funny isn't it...)
if e noble wan is e girl as in 2 girls 1 guy, i reali may nt b able 2 ask cos i fear, fear tt dis feelin will b'cum familiar 2 me sooner or later
SO ! i will wish to mit e guy hu cares 4 me no matter when ?( my wang zi ? ) n e very noble guy, of cus if e triangle relationship consists of my friends... i will find it hard 2 ask even though i wld like 2 c e love story.
oh ya! actuali dis is all my rubbish tinkin lor, anywae, nobody i noes reads my blog except 4 wan ting (well... actuali i didn't wan 2 tell her wan lar... cos i noe i write plenty of junk...) bt i reali do wish to c a real life drama... (bt if it will hurt anywan , i rather nt noe)
dis is me hu write dis, me hu contradicts wif me. all is a dream, gray alwaes exists, love is nt 4ever sweet nor bitter, friends r good support, family r alwaes dere
one last ting, i alwaes wonder, u c huh, family, friends, lover --- dey alwaes seem 2 hav a rankin 4 dis 3 categories lor bt hor... wad if ur friend is part of ur family n if u gt married 2 ur lover, den he/she will b'cum ur family wad. so e whole point of rankin all cumes 2 family n mayb friends bah. n even so, friends can oso b as close as family. ( i oso dunnoe y i sae dis.. .hehee)
--- i watch drama, i will cry if it is sad 4 it cumes 2 family matters----
wad abt love drama? i will ask myself... i will feel sad bt no cry . i found myself an ans- i hav nt faced it b4 ( bt how true is it... i dunnoe)
so i tink i will end here, hu ever reads dis , dun beat me up 4 dis junk writin, cos i tink e previous posts r quite junk 2, hhehe --- make no sense !!!

2dae ... ya 2dae (08 jun...)

Woohooooooooooo... went out wif laila, baoling n jasmine....

we went to watch shrek 3( hope if wan ting sees dis, she wun kill me... pls... hahha)

it was funni n we all enjoy!

laila den realised tt her shoe spoil den we went 2 buy shoes.,... after tt jasmine wanted 2 take neoprints bt den too late le , e shop close le

den she suggested playin in acarde, a game( tt game tt made me laugh until stomachache wan)

*2dae oso lor* everytime oso play until sweat lor... it was super fun n is alwaes fun when friends play 2gether ( especially crazy friends ... yup.. C-R-A-Z-Y, haha)

oh ya ... another thing... at dere, i saw a guy wearin green shirt ....( sum wan out dere muz b tinkin, muz b dis guy very handsome or super ugly rite ... ) ---- cos in most cases, i am 色, i dun deny :) it's my life, haha

---- ooooooo, juz nw was tokin abt tt guy, while... he's nt super handsome or ugly bt he holdin a fencin blade which i strongly believe it's a foil ... *memories*

fencin alwaes brin me bac memories, bad n good wan

+++++like trainings n oso sufferin 2gether++++ at tt time, we were all tired n sumtimes sad cos alwaes lost competition bt tinkin of it nw, i MISS it , haha

den after tt, we saw evelyn outside tampines mrt, wow... ( it's like long time no c le) SMILEZ:)

ohhh ,,, we 3, jasmine went 2 take mrt... saw 1 senior on e bus n dunno when heard tt he's attached.

Of cus i'm damn happy cos he's attached 2 one of my friend N i hope dey hav sweet memories 2gether

( bt i quite emo lor, cos i'm reminded of fencin 2dae) so i wish all fencers hav their day 1 day !

sounds wrong???? wadever lar...

*****wishes upon a feather of a white crow ******

Y ar? cos i recently read a manga scan online called LOVE MONSTER, i find it nice n it's sae tt crow hav high status in e monster world, n higher status if the feathers R white(rare wad). dey rumored tt if hav a white feather of it n wish upon it, it will cum true( ya .. understand le hor .. explanation very confusin hor)

^^^^^^^^^hopes it cums true ... dunno if it works

main character of LOVE MONSTER: guy is powerful black crow, girl is e RARE white crow

( e girl looks so small compared 2 e guy in e manga)

wish wish wish wish wish

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!!!!!!! nearly 4gt, gt another anime + manga, i starting to read or watch.... PITA TEN ! looks nice, oso, devil lives wif angel nxt 2 a cute guy (tt lost his mother when she saves him durin a car accident)--- in fact e angel is more of a devil than e devil n e devil is a very kind devil.... dotz, hehe

angel at e front, devil n tt cute guy at e back

1/6 bah ... 4gt 2 publish
yesterday put lyrics .... 2dae put mv bah .... hahhhhahahah, bt den found out dis song like no mv (sian)



so happy tt yesterday have an 'promise wif ah lun... so excited.....


cos mayb i recievin prezzie frm him frm taiwan... n mayb i can send him his birthday prezzie frm singapore to taiwan

super duper excited lor .... bt duno if i will reali buy 4 me anot lor, haix... nvm , i tink i will buy 4 him since it's an 'opportunity' ... cos like i nv have relatives in other countries n i send birthdae prezzie lor.... except tt time send (i tink christmas card wif baoling & shermaine 2 laila in finland). nt so excited as dis, bt i tinkin if i reali send, will he b able 2 recieve it??? *insecure*

wadever lar... still gt long way lor :)